Man vs Stomach

January, the 15th, 2015…

As I was strolling along the streets near my college, my tongue fell prey to all the aromas and flavours of the street side food. My mouth was watering from the delightful smell of the masalas emanating from the various stalls, and my stomach was crying for proper food, having being tortured for many months, with the barely edible food served in the hostels. It was a great set up for a great fable – one featuring my stomach, and an unlikely antagonist.

Now is probably the apt time to talk about my veggie past. This might sound utterly ridiculous to those not aware of the concept of vegetarianism, but having been born into a family, where it took me years of convincing to get my mom to accept that eating garlic and onions weren’t sinister and that mushrooms and cauliflowers weren’t mystically animal parts – just the thought or a small trace of fish in the air, could gag my entire family. The most imaginative swears and curses would be hurled at our undoubting neighbor aunt, busy cooking her special Sunday lunch, for her mister. With such a background, the only use ever for my canines were when I could not open a pack of chips, or when I decide to bite myself.

My stomach has surely enjoyed the luxuries of being fed only grasses and cereals, but alas! It was not to last, my ever so novel mind, decided that my guts were having it too easy, and conspired with my tongue. My tongue, was more than ready to co-operate. It was a perfect plan! So the plan had been made, and the situation was perfect on the day. I finally gave to ‘a single bite’. So, there it was: my ever non-vegetarian order! It was…

… an egg roll. It was definitely unlike any other vegetarian dish, and tasted exactly like it smelt. I enjoyed every bite of it, but the enjoyment was not going to be long lived.  It was supposed to be the first step, in a long journey, through fish, meat and what not. But it wasn’t as if all the greens hadn’t helped me. Standing at a little more than 6’1” I don’t have much to complain, and looking at me, not many believe that I don’t eat meat. So why did I yearn to delve into such uncharted territories? The reasons were simple really, if you had read my previous posts, especially this you should know the answers.

So after much anticipation, I had finally given in to my tongue, and had had my first ever egg, it tasted like nothing I had ever had prior to this, and smell by itself could entice anyone. All was fine, until a few hours later; when my stomach had learnt of the alien that had landed in it. Waarrr! I could hear my stomach crying, loud grumbling roars of all the acids being deployed into the battlefield, to take on this foreign invader. “What is this? Who are these new proteins, that we hear of?” said one acid regiment to the other, to which the reply was, “Have you not heard? It’s the new acid-resilient food!” Soon my stomach’s men began to lose the battle, and as fate would have it, thanks to some of the best decisions I have ever made, it would go on to lose the war.

On the outside, I was unaware of all the commotion going on, then it hit me! How could I leave my stomach alone, strangely enough, just as the thought struck, something else struck my stomach as well, from the inside! It was the eggs, celebrating victory. I decided to step in, and popped in some antacids – this wonderful move culled the few remaining acid men I had, and now all hell broke loose!

It had been a long day, yet another hot day in a damned place, with no monsoon or winter. Autumn? LOL. Just summer, and sure enough, I had sweat like a pig, and that night I just had to take a shower. This is when the genius inside me kicked in, and I decided to take a long shower in really hot water – bad idea!

You know that feel, when you have had an amazing lunch, and soon enough, you find yourself uncontrollably dozing off at work? It’s because all of your blood is rushing in to the stomach to aid it in digestion, which in turns means lesser blood for your brain, and sure enough, you fall asleep. Only, when you decide to take a hot shower, after a heavy meal( read as one egg), this concept works in reverse, all the blood rushes to skin, to help it in bringing down the temperature, this means lesser blood for the other organs, and baa dmm tss… Even slower digestion!

The effects were tragic, I had to go through ten days of hell, the damn egg, was this unwelcome guest who had decided to invade your room, only in this case, the room was my stomach. With no room in my stomach, it rang no bells of hunger, and I did not eat, as a result lost, I had no energy, at all! I flipped out when I saw myself in the mirror and rushed to my doctor. Now, this guy is a pro, and when I say a pro, he is a god damn magician! Just a wave of the hands, and a few questions about my symptoms, he tells me that I’ve had something ten days ago, which still laid there rotting. By that time, I had all but forgot about my adventure, and when he said that, it sent shock waves through my body. A small little egg, had bought down a 70 kg man, as I sat there in disbelief, he prescribed me some magic potion of sorts. Being the magician he is, I was up and running in a few days.

It was not until yesterday, that I decided to teach my stomach, who’s boss! I gobbled up not one but two eggs yesterday. Muhuhahaha… who’s boss now eh?    Well… err… so far I think it is me, but I guess it will take me another week to so to finally know the truth.